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. I love it!" Yeah, Joey. That's cool. So that's why you wanted to see the bracelet. You wanted to try and match it... " I said, pretending I hadn't already known that."And Sss... since your mom gave me the picture of you, I uhm... didn't need to take that picture like I told you I was," Joey quickly made up. I gave him a quick grin at his near miss."Okay, last but not least... " I said, handing Joey the smallest box of the bunch.He looked at me with a frown when he shook it and couldn't hear anything. "What. Is it empty?" Why don't you open it and find out," I teased.He did so, ripping the paper off in one stroke."Shit, Tim. You put enough tape on the box?" Joey said, forgetting Suzi's and my parents were in the room. His family cussed in front of each other all the time. Even his mom.The color drained out of his face when he did finally open it."What is it?" Suzi asked.Joey picked the keys up, making the familiar clanking noise that car keys make. I had spent twenty minutes. "The bad noos is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena." Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Lyle. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."This one is compliments of RabbiRabbit1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.2. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did.She's 25, and her name's Candy.3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50.It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.4. My son was thrown out of.
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